She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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