I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
