My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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