I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
