Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
