Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
