And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Soap is not a condiment
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
