You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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