Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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