I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
