My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
