Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
