Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
