the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
