I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
