While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
