he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a trapeze. enough said
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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