he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
