i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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