I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
