it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
