There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
