I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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