i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
