he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
