Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
