i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
