you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
