glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
