I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
