just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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