I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
