I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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