and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone shattered a urinal.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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