Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i drank out of a bidet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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