I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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