Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
