he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
