so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
