How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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