I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
