So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
