I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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