happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
