i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
