it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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