Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
