She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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