It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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