i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
